Here’s the thing. It’s Friday night and my options are to:
1) Drink too much wine (oops)
2) Watch a Grey’s Anatomy Marathon (oops)
3) Reflect on miracles (WIN)
It’s been SIX months people since I’ve held a steady paycheck and benefits. SIX. Count them (I do). Which means that it’s been almost eight months since my life forever and irrevocably changed. Livia came into this world and I saw her face and held her body and looked my husband as honestly in the eye as I ever have and started making the big decisions that scare most people (including me). And life will never, ever be the same and yet every day is just a little bit more worthwhile.
It’s hard for me to fathom, this thing called living in faith, this experience of living life, together.
Yet I know this. I will never go back.
I will never go back to a boundary-less system, I will never tolerate toxicity in the name of nobility, I will never fight alongside the deeply confused and unquestionably careless. I will instead fight alongside the humble, the willing, the decisive, the broken and sure, I will choose to live a life towards what is Godly, even as I am in my humanity. I will try to listen and refuse to be silent and I will speak out your power as God empowers us to be bigger and better and braver than who we used to be.
I will cradle my baby and invest in my marriage and believe for you too that all will be well, is well, and this is certain…regardless of your bills and the pressure and uncertainty and the loneliness and everything else left to chance and men. It will be well because in this day and age, miracles DO exist and we fight in vain for nothing, and we no longer fight alone.
It is so much more hopeful than us, this community of believers and fighters and life-sharing family we commune within.
Take a life-giving breath and exhale out all that is doubt and know, we do this together.