Ignatius belongs to my friend Faith and he’s a stud.

Last week we hung out and oohed and ahhed over the babies. We pushed our stroller’s to the neighborhood store for champagne and hung out in her backyard.

Iggy showed off his mad crawling skills and Liv refused to smile. We were all happy.

Something about his lips in this next one kill me…

I posted images of Jude’s baby shower in March~ I’m so glad he’s here, and he’s a perfect little panda.

I am obsessed with these images…and I’m going to let them speak for themselves.

His lips just melt me.

Sweet little smile

It’s mother’s day and this ushers in so many different memories and emotions for people, welcome or not. For some it’s a day to celebrate and cherish the women who have nurtured and mothered us…for others it’s a painful reminder that we didn’t receive the kind of mothering we needed.

There is not a single, perfect, right way to mother a person, but many of us are acutely aware when it’s absent.

I have a good mama. The kind that showed up to every single sporting event and award ceremony I was a part of. The kind that made homemade cookies and initiated food fights and was the classroom mom who nurtured all the other kids who didn’t have a mom who could participate as much as she could. My mom’s not perfect, in different ways than I’m flawed and that’s taken some accepting and grace on both our parts. But she has loved as generously as she’s known how and likely won’t stop nurturing until she stops living. living and nurturing go hand in hand for her.

This is my mom’s first mother’s day without her own mom…and I’ve been deeply saddened this week reflecting on that. Even when relationships change and are different than what we want and/or need them to be, not having a parent to honor when everyone else around you seems to, well, it hurts. Facebook and twitter can feel like nails on a chalkboard to the person who doesn’t have a parent to connect with on mother’s and father’s day. Whether it’s due to loss to death or simply loss of relationship. I’ve thought a lot about what it might feel like for my mom to wake up and have the holiday be so different, and so I want to say this to you who may not have a present or safe mama to call…

You are loved and lovable.

Wherever you are, know that someone has seen and still sees every accident, injustice, heartache, tear, and achievement you make. That there is not a moment that you live that you aren’t still being nurtured and tended to in just the right and perfect way that your heart needs and that you are never, never alone or without family. It looks different but it has never actually been more powerful. You are loved, you are lovable, on this mother’s day, even if you don’t have a mama to physically call. God is with you and sees every single moment of your day and is with you in the ache.

This is my first mother’s day {officially}. The first one that I have a baby who has a name and a unique smile and who knows that I’m kind of a big deal in her life. The holiday feels like a big deal because of how much I am obsessed with my daughter’s every waking moment and how I never want to miss any part of her becoming her own person except for I know she will need space from me to become who that is. I so thoroughly enjoy getting to be Liv’s mama, hearing her laugh, breathing her smell, receiving her kisses, praying over her future. I love it and I’m blessed and I will never minimize how precious this opportunity to mother her is.

Yet even as I breathe the joy in and exhale the sadness out, I am acutely aware that mother’s day is a hard day for another group of women. Those of you who have been trying for babies, who have lost babies, who are grieving children. Liv was not my only baby this year. Three months after having her I found myself in the bathroom, staring in disbelief at a positive pregnancy test. I was angry and overwhelmed and jubilant–we were having another baby, even while having a little baby. They were to be eleven months a part, and the madness and the anticipation were almost too much for me…then six weeks later I lost that baby. Now that it’s mother’s day weekend, I am as aware of that loss as I was the week that it happened three months ago. I wanted that baby and it’s not right that he/she isn’t part of my body and won’t be part of our family. I know I am not the only one, and so for those of you who have been trying for too long for a baby, who have lost a baby, who have lost a child, I say this to you…

There is hope. Not promises, I don’t make those. Hope.

Hope because you were meant to mother, you were meant to nurture–you are already and you will some more, and there is nothing that can stop you from nurturing. It is not right that you do not get to love on that young one today, that you can’t take a picture or read the card or rub your belly, but you will never take for granted your moment when you have it, and bottom line, you are not alone in this loss. I am with you, and more importantly, God is with us. I know that there is no way to articulate the sadness and disappoint and that other babies or children don’t ever take the place; but you are not alone. There is hope still, for just as you breathe in joy and exhale sadness and tell others your story and sit with women in their losses you are mothering this planet and giving way for the type of nurturing that brings healing and maturity to communities. You are making a difference when you donate and volunteer and love on other people’s children and there is hope if you are willing to let others love on you as you embrace what’s hard about mother’s day.

Today. It’s a big one. Not because it’s a holiday, because we have hearts that are aching to nurture and be nurtured. This is why we must come together, love each other and honor the gift that we are able to extend to each other. I love my mama and I am enthralled with my baby, but ultimately it’s you, my community that this day is really about. If we are do truly do life together then we must remember what this day is, and how it is different and equally important for all of us.

I met Addison and her family last January at Miss Makena’s first birthday party…

I was thrilled when Nekesha contacted me for some family portraits!! Such a precious, fun-filled little group.

Here’s the thing. It’s Friday night and my options are to:

1) Drink too much wine (oops)

2) Watch a Grey’s Anatomy Marathon (oops)

3) Reflect on miracles (WIN)

It’s been SIX months people since I’ve held a steady paycheck and benefits. SIX. Count them (I do). Which means that it’s been almost eight months since my life forever and irrevocably changed. Livia came into this world and I saw her face and held her body and looked my husband as honestly in the eye as I ever have and started making the big decisions that scare most people (including me). And life will never, ever be the same and yet every day is just a little bit more worthwhile.

It’s hard for me to fathom, this thing called living in faith, this experience of living life, together.

Yet I know this. I will never go back.

I will never go back to a boundary-less system, I will never tolerate toxicity in the name of nobility, I will never fight alongside the deeply confused and unquestionably careless. I will instead fight alongside the humble, the willing, the decisive, the broken and sure, I will choose to live a life towards what is Godly, even as I am in my humanity. I will try to listen and refuse to be silent and I will speak out your power as God empowers us to be bigger and better and braver than who we used to be.

I will cradle my baby and invest in my marriage and believe for you too that all will be well, is well, and this is certain…regardless of your bills and the pressure and uncertainty and the loneliness and everything else left to chance and men. It will be well because in this day and age, miracles DO exist and we fight in vain for nothing, and we no longer fight alone.

It is so much more hopeful than us, this community of believers and fighters and life-sharing family we commune within.

Take a life-giving breath and exhale out all that is doubt and know, we do this together.

Meet Sarah…graduating high school never looked so good.

Sarah’s pup, Buddy, joined us for the session. I love him.

Sarah came out in this jumper and all I could think was that I wanted it in my closet...nowish Can’t wait to score my own!!

I’ve loved being a mama to a little girl-baby, but I’ll be honest, teenage years scare me…until Sarah. Seriously, hanging out with her made me SO excited to have a teenage daughter some day!! She’s precious, pure, and full of goodness!!

I really enjoyed my time with her.

Looove this one.

I had the privilege of shooting a beautiful wedding outside Omaha a week ago.

There were so many thoughtful details to this wedding and I had such a hard time narrowing down which images to share.

For those of you who know Rachel and Rob, you know that there love is much like who they are individually…

Love that is kind, patient, thoughtful and love that includes others. I anticipate their marriage will be the same.

This was a holy day, filled with magic and rain, square dancing and sunshine, a flash mob and fire works. Rob and Rachel entered into covenant with a dozen nieces and nephews at their feet, a pie bar and a community that stood in faith with them. Holy indeed.

So grateful I got to be a part of it.

Rob and Rachel opted for a first look

This made me happy.

There is a gentle intensity to their love.

I felt like each time I turned around I was seeing a personal detail emerge…Rachel had her grandmother’s handkerchiefs with her.

This was a wedding that welcomed children! I loved the coloring station they had set up~

At the reception, Rachel slipped into a dress that her mother used to square dance in when she was younger as a surprise for her mom.

The reception included a line dancing and square dancing instructor so guests could get their promenade ON!

Rachel’s aunts and cousins collaborated on the 15+ pies that made up the pie bar! Yum.

Flash mob…guests from over five states practices and surprised the married couple with a dance midway through the reception.

Rob and Rachel, thanks again for including me in this milestone, I loved every second of it, mostly because I love who you are!

In celebration of mother’s day which is ONE week, I am giving away a family portrait session with CD!

If your mama or wife is anything like my mama, then nothing makes her happier than pictures of her family…

Seriously, my mother’s house is like a shrine to her children and grandchild with all of the photos that she has mounted on her walls Ha.

Multiple entries included, here are the rules:

1) If you haven’t already, ‘like’ lulliloo photography’s FB page for your first entry.

2) Post/Share on FB about the contest with a link to this page

3) Leave a comment below stating why your mama, your wife or *you* need a portrait session!!!

*Winner will be chosen via Random.org next Friday, each entry counts separately~

Meet Tiara.

She’s a fabulous educator at Penrose academy and artist to boot!

For her 25th birthday she had photos taken of to commemorate the birthday and included her two loves, her pup Bowie and boyfriend Matt.

We ended the session with a bottle of bubbly and yummy light. These are my favorite types of sessions; the ones that are just…because.

I just love my clients…this little family being no exception! They have the sweetest little girl and an amazing adoption story and they couldn’t be more perfect together!

You might recognize Miss Samaira from her 6mo old pics, now she is taking on the world with tutus and purple frosting and celebrates her first birthday this week.

Couldn’t have had more fun with them, despite the 92 degree April heat!

Enjoy:

I couldn’t decide which of these two were my favorite, I seriously LOVE them both!!